Yesterday afternoon I was taking my yelping brat for a spin around Budapest's City Park when I suddenly ran across the odd sight above, of a military-like encampment on the big cement area used in the winter as an ice-skating rink (and supposed to be used in the summer as a boating pond, if they ever get around to fixing it up). It turns out that it was a NATO-related event, probably timed to coincide with last week's summit meeting of defense ministers from the alliance. At first I was like, oh, nice, maybe they're doing some cool military demonstrations to encourage the city's young brutes to trade their lives of petty criminality for a career in the armed forces, and to remind Hungarians how important it is to take their nation's defense seriously. Instead, the whole thing seemed to be about something called the NATO Partnership Running Festival. Well, I guess that if they aren't going to figure out how to get Hungarians to fight, they might as well make sure everyone is prepared to run away real fast.

There is no Hungarian equivalent to the English saying "pigs might fly," but that might be because sometimes, in the interests of public safety, pigs do take to the air. The star of the above video is the swine that soars above the Hungarian sky (around two thirds of the way in) to demonstrate to road users how a seatbelt can literally "save their bacon" by preventing them from being minced on the tarmac. The stunt is part of an Index.hu campaign to "stop people dying of stupidity" in which the goofy portal is asking readers to send in their own "don't try this at home videos." Oh, and the pig in question was already an ex-pig before it crashed to a concrete, and it could have suffered a worse fate.

As this motley crew of strange-looking Hungarian teens suggests, Hungarians are clearly not too worried about what other people think of their appearance. After all, it's how you feel on the inside that counts, right. A survey by Image Factory in cahoots with Tarki has found that only one in five Hungarians are unhappy with their appearance, with some 40% usually or always happy to look themselves up and down in the mirror and the rest undecided. On the other hand, given that Magyars are generally suicidally pessimistic about everything else, maybe they are all just incredibly good-looking.

Walking on Wednesday through Budapest's Szabadság tér I happened upon the above, somewhat jarring sight. Even from 50 meters away I could tell it was some sort of art installation with a propaganda motive. But as I got closer and saw that it was called the "Breaking Stereotypes Poster Competition" I grit my teeth and vowed not to pre-judge it, because, let's face it, what could be worse than pre-judging something about prejudice? As it turns out, plenty of things! Just consider: EU-funded Hard-to-follow conceptual posters with headache-making graphics Obvious attention paid to the propaganda part of the project, the art part, not so much Lots of logos of corporate sponsors looking for a cheap way to demonstrate they "get it" Allegedly a celebration of "diversity" and "tolerance" but actually the product of a demographically narrow group of like-minded people who would instantly soil themselves if they ever met anyone with views or lifestyles even slightly different from their own Boring Overseen by a politician who belongs to a party full of former commie apparatchiks but who claims to be a staunch anti-communist (EU employment, social affairs and equal opportunities commissioner Vladimír Špidla) Infuriatingly accusatory and hectoring in tone ("I am open-minded - how about you?") Put in a place where only people who agree with its message are likely to see it Guaranteed to start looking beat-up before it's scheduled to be taken down, even if the people who disagree with its message don't get to it first and tear it down or set it on fire So lame and irritating it's almost guaranteed to make some people who agree with its message feel tempted to join in with the people who disagree with its message and tear it down or set it on fire

A "school cop" caught a vile pedophile in Tamási, Tolna County. Children told the officer that a man had been flashing his package to tots at the local train station, and even tried to lure away a little girl. When the guy showed up again yesterday, the sulirendőr officer caught him. The 48-year-old sicko denied the allegations, but the kids fingered him. [fn.hu] Police have captured a 43-year-old man suspected of similarly displaying his tackle to children in Budapest's Városmajor Park (District XII), on one occasion even putting his hand in a six-year-old girl's panties. Police are asking residents to report any similar cases to them because the suspect that the man has molested many other children, which seems easy to believe judging from the picture above left. [blikk.hu] Two-year-old Hunor Horváth (above right) from Iharos, Somogy County, is the youngest debtor of national tax authority APEH. When a letter arrived from the tax office threatening with a Ft 200,000 fine unless he declared his earnings within eight days, his parents thought there was a mistake. Later, it was revealed that the letter was referring to subsidies paid to the family when Hunor was born. Over 30 children received similar letters from the South Transdanubia Regional Directorate of the tax office. [atv.hu]

In line with markets around the world, the Budapest Stock Exchange has today been struggling through the financial equivalent of a sucking chest wound. And just to add to the fun terror, the BSE's website itself was down most of the morning. We'll be back in a minute, but first we have to go finish stocking up on canned goods and ammo.

As you may have heard or noticed, downtown Budapest is currently a traffic battle zone thanks to the summit of NATO defense ministers currently underway, which a miffed Russian official today compared to a "club of sweaty naked men." So be sure to take appropriate countermeasures.

While over at politics.hu we had a blog piece about how the left and far-right may discover they have a lot in common, Hungarian fitness star and Pestiside.hu regular target of affection Norbert "Fitness Norbi" Schobert (looking sexy and to the left) has recently revealed that some of his views on women are a little bit more "traditional," at least in terms of money, storyonline.hu reports. Norbi told the celeb-obsessed site that he was once previously married but that the relationship ended after three months because his ex-wife made more money than him. These days, we are happy to report, Norbi makes plenty of money through his fitness related ventures, thus ensuring for a happier married life, but apparently what he earns is still not enough to fully dress his modesty-resistant current wife Réka Rubint.

Traffic police are organizing the "Apple-Lemon Drive" for the 13th time, reports driving website vezess.hu. Children assisting officers patrolling the country's roads at 30 locations are giving an apple to drivers who follow all regulations and a lemon to those who broke a rule. Police are mainly checking to see if car users wear seat belts, use children's seats and turn on lights when necessary. A more effective means of keeping the roads safe, however, would be to instead chuck the lemon at the car driving without its headlights on, causing it to veer off the road in which case the driver would fly through the windshield from not wearing their seatbelt, and their kid, not strapped into a kiddy seat, would also find an early demise, thus taking one more bad driving gene out of the pool.

Hungarians are more impatient when they have to stand in line than the average Europeans, a recent study by ClientFirst Consulting found, to the absolute non-amazement of anyone who's lived here for any amount of time, mno.hu reports. While on average, 17 out of 100 citizens of the 21 European countries involved in the study got impatient when they had to stand in line for a long time at a bank, post office, supermarket or other service provider, 28 out of 100 Hungarians were found to be bitching and moaning from the same experience. Impatience can have its positive side, however, as after a courageously idiotic sales attendant refused to comply with demands by armed robbers at a Kecskemét store late night on October 1, the perpetrators left the scene without taking anything, being captured soon after baon.hu reported, thus revealing that the long lines at banks and post offices are just a rudimentary but effective crime deterring mechanism.

Well, so much for democracy and free markets spreading wealth and good cheer all around the world! But rather than dwelling today on how the ongoing "uncertainty" in the global markets is likely to end in all of us cooking dinner over garbage cans next to the train tracks, let's instead try to think nice thoughts: A family was attacked by bandits wearing ski masks in the (where else) northeast town of Városnamény early on Monday morning. The family of four was sleeping peacefully when the burglars entered the house. They beat the father and tied up both him and the mother, but didn't harm the children, though this doesn't prove much about their humanity, as the kids consisted of an eight-year-old girl and a baby of just a few months. After the burglars left with the cash they found, and the family's car, the little girl untied her parents. [mno.hu] A girl attending a school in the (where else) northeast city of Ózd has been bullied by her classmates for a year because she is quiet and wants to study. She's been beaten and even threatened with death for not being noisy and trying to get a decent education, but her teachers are said to be powerless in the face of the little girl's tormentors. [atv.hu] An investigation has finally begun into the death of a 43-year-old woman who was killed by an electric shock she received while using her washing machine back in June in the (where else) northeastern village of Pócspetri. An "expert" on washing machine electrocutions has determined that the cause was probably damage to insulation on the machine by an unprofessional repair job. Shocking. [fn.hu] An unspecified number of horses that were pulling a carriage next to the six-meter-deep Rábca river drowned while the coachman who was supposed to be watching them was busy collecting hay. No humans were injured during the tragedy. [hirszerzo.hu] An unspecified number of pigs were killed in an accident on the M5 motorway between Kecskemét and Lajosmizse on October 3. A Romanian-registered Dacia was transporting the animals on a trailer when a truck ran into it from behind. The Dacia ran into a ditch, the trailer overturned, and the pigs died. No humans were injured during the tragedy. [mno.hu] All five of Hungary's Parliamentary parties have agreed that Hungarian goose liver has to be protected, and have submitted a proposal to settle regulations on force-feeding geese and ducks. No humans were injured during the tragedy. [origo.hu] A courts has decided that leading Hungarian media slut queen Anna Kelemen is responsible for the injuries her violent, partly-pitbull dog Zeusz caused to her neighbors, and the local government will take the animal away. No animal were injured during the tragedy. [blikk.hu] A Mazda was set on fire by an unidentified perpetrator on Budapest's Szemlőhegy utca, the street where Prime Minister Ferenc Gyurcsány lives, at around 4 a.m. on October 2. Firefighters put out the flames quickly. It was not believed to be the PM's car, but he was later seen crying like a little girl anyway. [vg.hu]

Just in case you think the threat to Hungary's constitutional order from extremism isn't real, a Hungarian pensioner is currently on trial for throwing some old shoes at police officers during the September 20 protests on Budapest's Szabadság tér. The suspect, a retired accountant, admitted to throwing three pairs of shoes, but said he wasn't aiming at the officers, only the Soviet memorial. Amazing that they didn't just shoot the guy on the spot. [hirszerzo.hu]

Liquor store to the left, driving school to the right. Emergency room somewhere ahead...

And don't forget that bottle of apple pálinka for your teacher!

Subba has long since been running a Subba szív iWiW (Subba loves iWiW) feature in which it picks out the freakiest and most depraved members of Hungarian social networking site iWiW. So who would have thought it would fall on the Russians to post this collection of mostly "emo" teenagers with disturbed hairstyles plundered from Hungarian social networking site MyVIP. Although Subba picked this gem when heading up its post, our personal fave is the chick below, mostly because we're absolutely 100% sure she's Hungarian. Makes a change from Russian brides, eh?

I was happy to see the other day that University of Szeged chemist Ágota Tóth is among the honorees of this year's Ig Noble awards, which are handed out to scientists for research that is as (or more) amusing as it is insightful or useful. Working with some colleagues in Japan, Tóth won the coveted 2008 cognitive science Ig Noble for discovering that slime molds can solve puzzles. Who says the golden age of Hungarian science is over! Maybe for her next experiment Tóth can transplant some of this slime mold intelligence to Education Minister István Hiller (above, left) and the other slimey, amoeba-like educational bureaucrats and politicians responsible for the sad fact that this is the closest thing to an actual Nobel Prize in science Hungary has had in decades.

As it turns out, Hungary's response to Russia's recent invasion of Georgia is far more daring than just warning people not to travel there. Note that the charity party in the invite above is taking place aboard the Vogue Boat. The last time I checked, the Vogue was being run by Serbs, and the Serbs were still feeling all warm and pan-Slavic about Ivan's romp through the Caucuses, even though the South Osets' role in the conflict makes them more or less equivalent to the hated Kosovars, except maybe a bit less Muslimy.

Let us translate this message posted on the door of the Saturn customer service area in Mammut, because it's pretty damn funny: Dear customer, We kindly ask you not to leave PORNOGRAPHIC MATERIAL on devices and memory cards left with our service staff. Although masturbation in the workplace is not permitted at our company, several customers have complained about "STICKY CAMERAS" and we therefore request that you take preventative measures and do not leave images in your product's memory that our staff might jerk off to. Thank you! As the comments on the Puruttya blog of bad taste suggest, Saturn has been implementing a program of downsizing, which may account for the no masturbation policy and the prank poster. Whatever the reasons, you can bet Saturn will be deluged with gigabyte upon gigabyte of porn over the next couple of weeks.

No retail sector likes a catchy pun more than the hairdressing industry. Think "Headmasters," "Fine Cuts," "Fringe Benefits" and Budapest favorite "Show Haj" (Show Hair/Sigh). And, er... "Black Head" near Déli Pályaudvar.

It would seem like the reason to write "death of the romkert scene" pieces is simply to guarantee that some good new places will open up. Following our favorite new find from this summer Dürer Kert and the return of Mummus shortly thereafter, things suddenly were looking up again. And then this past weekend, going on a friend's suggestion, I ventured over to Instant, opened on September 19th, and instantly found myself a new favorite place.